Rethinking disrespect in parenting

Disrespect is a tricky concept—one that is often shaped by our upbringing, past experiences, and personal triggers. What one person sees as disrespectful, another might view as self-expression, confidence, or even honesty. So, when our children display behaviors we label as "disrespectful," the real question is: Why does this behavior make me feel disrespected?

Understanding Our Triggers

Many of us were raised to believe that authority must be met with absolute obedience. If a child questioned an adult or expressed dissatisfaction, it was seen as defiance rather than an opportunity for conversation. But what if our reaction to perceived disrespect is more about our own unresolved experiences than about our child's actual behavior?

Take a step back and ask yourself: Is this behavior truly disrespectful, or is it simply my child being a child—learning, growing, and expressing themselves? If another adult did the same thing, would I still see it as disrespectful, or would I recognize it as setting a boundary, speaking truth, or standing up for themselves?

Raising adults, not just obedient children

As parents, our goal isn’t to raise children who merely obey without question but to nurture future adults who know how to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and navigate the world with confidence. If we silence our children now—telling them they can’t question, express their feelings, or voice their opinions—we risk raising adults who struggle to do so when it matters most.

Instead of reacting with punishment, we can guide them in learning how to express themselves in a way that is both respectful and assertive. If we want them to be able to voice concerns in a workplace, stand up for their beliefs, or have healthy relationships, they need to practice those conversations now, in the safety of our home.

A mindset shift for the week

Consider this: What behaviors trigger you to feel disrespected, and why? Are they truly acts of defiance, or are they opportunities for growth—for both you and your child?

Shift your perspective this week. Instead of asking, "Why is my child being so disrespectful?" ask, "Why does this behavior make me feel disrespected?" and "How can I guide my child in expressing themselves in a healthy, respectful way?"

By making this shift, we create a home where our children learn to use their voices wisely—where they aren’t silenced but are shaped into strong, discerning individuals who know how to engage the world with confidence and grace.