Reducing Power Struggles
Getting Your Kids’ Buy-In on Family Goals
Do you have power struggles with your kids?
In Kingdom Motherhood, one of the simplest yet most effective tools we use to lessen power struggles is getting our kids’ buy-in. When kids feel like they’re part of the process, they're more likely to cooperate and feel motivated to help accomplish shared goals. So, how do we get their buy-in?
Here’s a 3-step strategy that’s simple to implement and can make a big difference in your home:
1. Set a Common Goal as a Family
When everyone shares the same goal, it gives purpose to the plan you create together. It could be as simple as keeping the living room clean or as specific as preparing for an upcoming family event. What’s important is that the goal is relevant to everyone.
Tip: Try asking your kids what they think a good family goal might be. Including them in this first step gives them a sense of ownership. For example, if everyone is tired of stepping on stray toys, your kids might suggest keeping their play areas tidy as a goal.
Our common goal is getting a new car.
2. Make a Game Plan Together
Once you have a goal, the next step is to come up with a plan. This is a fun opportunity to brainstorm as a family! Encourage your kids to be creative in thinking of ways to achieve the goal. Involving them in the process not only builds teamwork but also shows them that their ideas are valued.
Example: If your family goal is to keep the living room tidy, ask each family member for their ideas on how to accomplish it. One child might suggest a 5-minute clean-up before dinner, while another may propose a “toy check” before bed. Writing down everyone’s suggestions can help you see all the creative ideas and choose the best plan as a team.
Our goal is to keep our current car clean in preparation of getting a new car that we are already in the habit of keeping clean. Together we decided this. Together we agreed. Together we are committed and united with a common goal.
3. Agree on How You’ll Support Each Other
This step is about building accountability in a positive, family-oriented way. Once you’ve chosen a plan, agree on how you’ll help each other accomplish it. This is a great opportunity to foster a sense of teamwork and commitment. Knowing that everyone has a role can help kids feel a responsibility to follow through.
Example: If your game plan is a quick daily clean-up, each family member might take on a role, like sorting toys or folding blankets. You can also decide how you’ll remind each other—like gently pointing out if someone forgot their part—so everyone feels supported rather than policed.
For our “keeping the car clean” goal, we’ve decided to remove anything from the vehicle every time we exit.
Getting your kids’ buy-in isn’t about giving them complete control but about creating a sense of partnership. When kids feel like they have a say, they’re more likely to cooperate, and power struggles tend to fade away.
Using this strategy can transform your family’s dynamic and bring a more peaceful, cooperative spirit into your home. Try it out, and see how your kids respond to being a part of the solution. Let’s continue building strong, joyful families in Kingdom Motherhood—one goal at a time!
