The Mirror of Parenting: How God’s Example Guides Us
It’s easy to fall into the trap of using our children’s behavior as a measure of our success as parents. When our kids act out or make poor choices, we may feel like failures. But as parents, it’s important to shift our perspective and recognize a profound truth: the mark of a good parent isn’t the behavior of the child—it’s the behavior of the parent.
This truth is beautifully reflected in how God parents us. He is the perfect Father, yet His children—us—often make mistakes, misbehave, and wander from His ways. Our imperfections don’t diminish God’s perfection as a Father. In the same way, our children’s actions don’t define us as parents. Instead, the way we respond, guide, and love them does.
Free Will and the Role of Parenting
God has given every person, including our children, the gift of free will. This means that while we can teach, train, and influence our kids, we cannot control their decisions. As parents, our role is not to dominate or manipulate, but to model godly behavior, train them in truth, and lovingly correct them when needed.
This perspective not only lifts the burden of perfectionism but also reminds us of an important reality: our children learn far more from our example than from our words. If we are short-tempered, critical, or impatient, we may begin to see those same traits mirrored in our kids. Their behavior often reflects what they observe in us, serving as a valuable tool for self-reflection.
Using Our Children as Mirrors
When we view our children’s behavior as a mirror, we gain an opportunity to examine our own hearts and actions. For instance, if my oldest daughter is becoming critical or impatient, I pause to ask myself, “Have I been overly critical or less patient lately?” Often, I find that her behavior is reflecting mine, but with a delay of a week or two.
This reflection isn’t about blaming ourselves but about taking responsibility for the example we set. It’s a chance to course-correct, grow, and learn. Parenting is a journey of sanctification, where God uses our children to teach us and refine our character.
The Way God Parents Us
God doesn’t force us to behave perfectly, but He trains and disciplines us out of love (Hebrews 12:6). He is patient, kind, and steadfast, even when we stumble. In parenting, we are called to emulate His approach. This means being consistent in our discipline, loving in our correction, and humble in our example.
Rather than measuring our worth as parents by our children’s behavior, we can ask:
Am I showing them patience, kindness, and self-control?
Am I modeling forgiveness and humility when I make mistakes?
Am I training them with love and consistency, as God trains me?
When we parent as God parents us, we reflect His heart to our children. While their behavior may not always change immediately, the seeds we plant will grow in time.
A Mindset Shift
This mindset shift frees us from the pressure of perfection and focuses our energy on what we can control: our own behavior. By modeling the character of Christ, we create an environment where our children can learn and grow, knowing they are loved unconditionally.
Parenting isn’t about producing perfectly behaved children; it’s about faithfully stewarding the lives God has entrusted to us. And in the process, we learn to rely on His grace and wisdom as we grow into the parents He’s called us to be.
May we take every opportunity to learn from God’s example, use our children’s behavior as a mirror for self-reflection, and trust Him to do the work only He can do in their hearts.
